Home to Stay
by WolfMarauder
Summary: Remus is returning to his wife after he left her in Deathly Hallows, but will Tonks be waiting for him with open arms? My take on how the scene played out. Please read and review. RLNT DH Canon


**Here is the oneshot of Remus coming home that I promised! Finally! It came out a bit angstier (is that even a word?) than I planed. I hope I characterized them both well. It is sort of connected to my chapter fic Dear Baby, but it can stand alone. Rated K+ for mild swearing and a bit of suggestiveness, if you squint. I hope you enjoy, and PLEASE REVIEW!**

**I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, there would be a whole lot more Remus and Tonks in the books and movies, and they would have skipped off into the sunset with Teddy to live happily ever after.**

* * *

The moon—a waning gibbons Tonks noted—was high in the sky when a bout of morning sickness hit her. Cursing her decision to skip dinner, she brushed her teeth and attacked the stash of crackers on her bedside table. By the time she was ready to settle into bed again, her mood took a sharp turn towards melancholy. This was particularly disturbing in light of her decision to stay optimistic. _Everyone deserves a bit of time to fall to pieces_, she thought and decided to grant herself a break from being happy with what she had. She looked at her watch and decided she would give it an hour, no more.

She removed his last letter to her from the place beneath the mattress where she kept it. She stroked the words of his greeting, _To My Dearest Dora_. How could he expect her to move on when he said things like that? Her eyes continued down the page.

_To My Dearest Dora,_

_I am sorry for the way I acted the other night, and I don't want to leave things between us on such a bitter note. I at least owe it to you to tell you where I am going and why I left. I promise this will be the last you hear from me._

_I have decided to search for Harry. I need to be useful, and I think that James would want me to protect his son. Rest assured I am as safe as any of us are as of late. I move every day to keep from being found. I hope to find the three of them soon._

_That was the easy part, I suppose. The hard part is telling you why I left. There is so much to say on that matter, I find it very difficult to condense it into one letter. It was very selfish of me to marry you. I put you in grave danger from me, the Ministry, and your family. Now you are pregnant, and I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt you or the baby. I brought you nothing but trouble; I am a burden you do not need at a time like this. I love you, Dora, and our unborn child. That is why I have to go. You will both be safer and happier with me gone. When the war is over, you can return to your career, even make a new one if you wish. The baby will be better off without a father that he could only be ashamed of. You see, it would be unspeakably selfish for me to stay._

_Please try to move on. Find someone who can give you and the baby everything I couldn't. You do not need to wait to divorce me, because now according to the Ministry we were never married. I'm sorry for all the ways I hurt you, but one day you will see it was for the best. You may even forgive me, however little I deserve it._

_I hope you and the baby have a safe, happy life._

_Love always,_

_Your Remus_

Tonks had just reached the bottom of the page when she heard the crack of Apparation outside. She hurriedly wiped away the tears that had accumulated in the corners of her eyes. If there was a Death Eater at the door, she would not meet them as a pitiful, teary-eyed woman. Wand in hand, she crept down the stairs, sparing a quick glance into her mother's bedroom. Just as she expected, Andromeda was fast asleep. After a few moments of deliberation, she decided not to wake her. Her mother was not much of a fighter, so she would probably not be much help. It was better to just leave her out of it. It was probably just an Order member. They were the only ones Remus had told, and he was the Secret-Keeper. Unless he had been captured… no, she would not let herself think that way. His letter said he was being careful. A clever man like Remus was more than capable of taking care of himself, but still, there was always the possibility…

Tonks felt a pang of fear for the defenseless child she was carrying. What if it was Death Eaters come to kill her? There was nothing she could do for her baby. The Anti-Apparation wards kept them in, just as they kept everyone else out. The fireplace was removed from the floo network as soon as the Ministry began to weaken. There was no choice but to face it head on and hope for the best. If it was more than one, she would send a Patronus for help. She tried to tell herself that murdering Order members in their beds would not be good for keeping Voldemort's rise to power under wraps. Worst case scenario they would throw her in Azkaban on trumped-up charges, right? Not ideal for the baby, but not as bad as them both being killed outright. Once again, she cursed Remus for his ignorance. Did he really believe that leaving her alone and pregnant as the sole defender of their family was safer than him staying?

She tried to quell her rising panic as she approached the living room. She heard a voice. "Dora? Dora, please, open the door!" it pleaded, "Nymphadora, please!" Tonks froze. She knew that voice. She knew it as well as she knew her own. It was Remus. She flew to the window as fast as she could in the dark room and threw back the curtains. Just as she suspected, a particularly haggard-looking Remus Lupin was pounding on the door. She could not see anyone else, but she did not let that or the person's appearance put her at ease. A trip to their old flat would give a Death Eater all the hair they needed to make a Polyjuice potion.

Tonks checked that the chain was still over the door, and opened it just a crack. In a flash, her wand was in the face of the man on the doorstep. He held his hands up in surrender. "Who are you?" she demanded, wand not wavering.

"It is I, Remus John Lupin, your husband," he answered promptly. She still did not relent.

"Very good, though if I were a Death Eater I would be sure to know the name of the person I was impersonating. I feel it is only fair to advise you, I am a bit pissed at my husband at the moment, so if you are a Death Eater, you may want to reconsider your disguise and come back tomorrow."

"It really is me, Dora. I was a fool to leave; I see that now. Please believe me!"

"If you are my husband, then prove it," she hissed, suddenly feeling a wave of resentment rush through her, "What are the vows Remus Lupin made to me on our wedding day?" That was a low blow, and she knew it, but that didn't stop her from feeling a surge of vindictive pleasure when his face crumpled in remorse.

For a minute he looked as if she had knocked all the wind out of him. Finally, he found his voice again and began to speak. "I, Remus John Lupin, take you, Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks, to be my wedded wife. I promise to treasure you always, and stand by your side in good times and bad until the day I die. I know I have not been the easiest person to love, but I will strive to never again hurt you as I did before. You taught me how to love and be loved, Dora, and for that I give you my whole heart. I wish I could give you so much more, but that is all I have. I make these vows to you with all my heart and soul. Nymphadora, I entwine my life with yours and may nothing break us apart."

By the end, his voice was no more than a whisper, but Tonks wasn't quite done with him yet. He had hurt her, and she needed to know that he knew it. She needed him to feel at least some of the pain he had caused her. "Right again, but you might have guessed I would ask that. Tell me how Remus Lupin broke those vows," of course, any Death Eater with half a brain could put two and two together and figure out the answer to that question and at this point she knew that it was Remus, but she needed to hear the answer from his mouth. In her heart she knew that this was taking it too far, but she was overcome with righteous anger.

Remus felt close to tears. He closed his eyes and hung his head in shame, after all, this was no more than he deserved. "I blocked you out. I let all my doubts and self-hatred take over again, and I made you suffer for it. I hurt you again, possibly worse than before, and I walked out on you again because I was a coward," his voice cracked, and he swallowed deeply to clear his throat, "I made a mistake, Dora, and I failed you once again, and I failed… our child."

She held up her hand to stop him. "Before you left, you told me one last thing regarding our marriage. Do you remember what it was?"

"I said… I said that marrying you was a grave error," he choked, cringing as though he was under the Cruciatus curse. At the moment, he thought that might even be preferable. She opened the door, but any hope he had was crushed when her palm made contact with his face, the shock of it momentarily striking him dumb. He lightly touched his fingers to the stinging spot on his cheek here she had slapped him. Her face showed the first signs of guilt, but he knew Tonks and did not believe for a minute that she was going to admit to being wrong when she was angry. For her part, Tonks wasn't sure why she had done that. She was not usually the violent type, but that one phrase—_grave error—_preyed on every insecurity she had and made her want to lash out.

"If marrying me was such a mistake, why are you back?" she asked with her arm that was not holding Remus at wand point wrapped tightly around her abdomen as if holding their child close.

"Leaving you was the only mistake I made. I am truly sorry, Dora. I understand if you don't want to forgive me, but I need you to know that I see that what I did was wrong. I want to have a family with you. I'm begging you, Nymphadora, give me a chance to prove to you that I can make you happy. Please, I will stay as long as you will have me." His voice was thick with tears and his hands were raised no longer in surrender, but in supplication.

He looked so pitiful that all the fight left her. Tonks lowered her wand and threw her arms around him. He caught her unsteadily, but continued to hold her close. Each could feel the other's chest shaking with sobs as they continued to apologize profusely. Slowly, he guided her to the couch, where they continued to cry together until their tears subsided. He gently ran his thumb across her cheek to wipe away the tearstains. Her eyes slipped closed and she shivered lightly. "Remus," she whispered hesitantly, "I… I'm not sure I can do this."

Remus felt his heart plummet to his feet. For the first time, he took in her face in the light of the living room. Dark circles surrounded her red, puffy eyes. Her lank brown hair was streaked with grey. Her slender shoulders were slumped forward while her thin arms hugged her waist. She looked utterly broken, and he knew it was all his fault. "I understand," he said gently as he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, "You have every right to want me to leave. I'm sorry; I will just go."

He rose to stand, but her hand shot out to seize him by the wrist. "No!" she cried, "I want you to stay," she continued in a softer tone, remembering her mother sleeping upstairs, "I want you here more than anything, but it is not just me anymore. I have our child to think about. If you stay this time, you cannot walk out on our baby whenever you feel bad about yourself. I need you to understand that the next time you walk out of the door, there is no turning back. It may kill me, but I will not let you hurt our child like this."

He saw the fire burning in her eyes and he knew that she meant every word. He took her hand in his and stroked the simple gold wedding band on her finger. "That is all I can ask for, and much more than I deserve. I know it will take time for you to trust me again, but all I am asking is for the chance to prove it."

"Then you will stay?"

"I will stay as long as you can stand me."

"Then you are not going anywhere," she smiled and pulled him close once more to press her lips to his. "I am sorry for the things I said to you, and I am especially sorry for hitting you."

"It is fine. I deserved it."

"No, you didn't. I was completely out of line. You left because you were scared for me and the baby. Your heart was in the right place, even if it didn't lead you to the right conclusion. You know what I want you to do now?" He raised his eyebrow at her. "I want you to forgive yourself, because I have already forgiven you. No more of this self-depreciating talk. You are a wonderful, caring man and I need you to see that so the three of us can be happy. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll do it for both you and our baby. May I?" he asked gesturing toward her stomach. Tonks smiled and placed his hand on the tiny bump forming between her hips. She loved the way he said _our child_ with a quiet reverence.

"It is still so flat!" he exclaimed, "It is hard to believe there is a little person in there."

"Easy for you to say! I feel like a whale! I won't really show or be able to feel the baby move for a while yet. It is still early."

"You do not look like a whale. I am glad it is still early; I don't want to miss a minute of this baby growing." It didn't matter that Remus couldn't feel that baby yet. It was enough just to know he or she was there. He felt pride bubbling up in his chest—their baby.

Tonks yawned loudly. "I don't know about you, but I am tired. I say it is bedtime." She rose and padded toward the stairs. Remus watched her go, and stretched out his aching joints on the couch. He was just nestling under a blanket when he heard her pause on the stairs. She turned and saw what he was up to. She stomped down to the bottom of the stairs, and put her hands on her hips. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"I didn't want to assume that you wanted to… share a bed with me yet."

"Don't be daft," she said with an eye-roll, "It may take some time for me to trust you completely again, but that doesn't mean I don't want you with me. Now come to bed, or are you going to make your wife sleep alone?"

He took her outstretched hand in his and let her lead him to the bedroom. Yes, his Dora was an amazing woman. "So, are you still pissed off?" he asked her.

She turned and looked at him with a mischievous look in her eyes. "Oh yeah," she laughed, "but right now I am mostly very, very happy." As if to prove it, she scrunched up her face and her hair returned to its customary shade of bubblegum pink. "Let's go to bed, Mr. Lupin," she sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

She squeaked quietly when he hoisted her bridle-style into his arms, but he silenced her with a soft kiss on the lips. "As you wish, Mrs. Lupin."

* * *

**Okay, somewhat cheesy ending. You can use your imagination as to what happens next ;)**

**Love it? Hate it? Review or PM me to tell me how I did.**


End file.
